Description: My first serious relationship, first love, was also turned out to be an abusive relationship. One day, I realized I was more unhappy having a boyfriend, versus not having one. I decided there and then I would rather be alone for the rest of my life, then feel the way I did. I ended the relationship. I was 21. A year later, having healed sufficiently, I wondered about him, how is he doing? Is he okay? I knew looking him up was a bad idea. Instead, I wrote a letter in a song... He's still out there. His name really is John.