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Jesus, Who's Your Daddy?

Artist: PSYCHOPATH

Album: Kill, Pussycat, Kill
Category: Comedy, British Isles, Contemporary



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Description: Do you wish it could be Christmas everyday? Are you dreaming of a white Christmas? Will the little drummer boy be lonely this Christmas? With the naked ambition of adding a sour note to future Christmas compilation albums, Psychopath have contributed their own jingley-bell travesty to the misfiring canon of pseasonal psongs. I suppose it goes without saying that we wrote this on January 2nd.

Submitted: October 19, 2007 11:32AM


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The greatest holiday song ever written and recorded!! Jingle Bells? Silent Night? O Christmas Tree? No way Jose! This is the real thing.

The angels of high have the heard the call of Psychopath and they are happy.

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You old Troma fan you!

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Haaa! Someone gave it a 1. I'm calling Pipkin!

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Where's my eggnog..?

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Where's your eggnog? Jolynn, if you haven't located it by now, you probably need help.

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sick and sad

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You know, it's sad that Chris Boros chose to comment on this piece, considering the fact that none of the Folk Alley staff has ever commented on any of the serious works that I've seen on this site.

For those of us who are doing more than making jingle-bell noises with midi keyboards, it seems a bit of a slap in the face. I've made plenty of friends via Folk Alley, and I've held my tongue many times; but this is too much.

I don't get what this "song" is supposed to be. If you're going for musical, you have missed the mark. If it's humor, fart jokes are more clever. And if it's meant to be some profound social statement, I'd rather watch South Park (where such things are done with some real intelligence).

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Fart jokes onthe way, then. We aim to please.

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More tea vicar?

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JoLynn that's King of the Hill not South Park. Jerry, you are soooo right. Chris, nice song, ours isn't, Boros was amused, deal with it. Tim ...

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Huw..you forget that I don't watch TV..not my comment.
I do like King of the Hill though..the greyhounds watch it sometimes when I'm away. Not so much 'up' on the South Park front..I don't get that channel anyway.

Chris Castle is absolutely right..'musical' isn't really a term I'd use for this psong. I gather that it's meant to be 'sick and sad' (psick and psad?), as Jerry suggests, which is, I suppose, the draw for Mr. Boros, lover of all things bitter and twisted when it comes to holiday fare..that's what makes the Halloween stream so perfect a fit for him!

You know I love each of you, right..?

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We know you love us, Jolynn, and it worries us sometimes. We love you too.
Chris Castle had his views and our heart goes out to him in his suffering. Having listened to his song I can see he's having a hard time, so let's offer some sympathy. Clearly it can't be easy to be unrecognised as the genius you think you are (I know how that feels) and so I invite you, Chris, to write the music for our next psong to introduce some of the musicality that we obviously lack.
We have a lyric ready to go ... what do you say, Chris? A trans-Atlantic collaboration?

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Oh dear..!

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Okay, I don't even know you guys. And you've crossed a line here, dragging my personal life into a public comment box.





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Now, you kids play nice now, hear?

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Hang on - did Castle say that the jingley-bells were MIDI keyboard? Mindlin told me he whistled that bit. We'll be having words when I see him again.

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Hmm...this just isn't funny (not because of any religious convictions). The vocal is buried, the bells are annoying, and there's no punchline. You guys should take this song off and try a lot harder next time.

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Cogent point. Cogent point. Subjective I felt but cogent nonetheless...

Oh look this was much more fun when we were all bitching at each other. Most psychopaths are (in their own opinions) unrecognised genii. I personlly prefer to be thought of as a rolltop desk or possibly the leg of a flamingo (more pink Mother! It's fading already!!).

Haigh you scumsucking sonofabestial fetishist. I'm coming down Hahnslow and I'm gonna do you, you £%

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Oh I say. Curtailed. Truncated! Emasculated even!! I was just getting into my stride with the insults, when the FA guillotine came down upon my throbbing, tumescent prose. I've never been so insulted in my entire life! (Throws toys from pram - exit stage left ...)

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I'd like to retract my earlier statement after reading all of this here. I said it was the best holiday song. I should really rephrase this to make it fair to everyone involved. I certainly wouldn't want to make anyone sad. With that said, my new comment is: "The best song ever written and recorded in the history of modern man!"

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Thanks for clearing that up, Chris. If we didn't all treasure your opinion, none of this would've mattered in the first place. (:

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I would like to see Britney and Paris and Lindsay dance in the video for this. With cucifixes, in an enormous pool of split pea soup.

That would be Art.

In the meantime I am going to go wash my ears out with lye soap.

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Yeah I did that. It worked. I can't hear %^£

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Hmmm! The guillotine falls if you suffix a load of symbols with "ing" as in Mastur%8ing!

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Oops - wrong!

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That's an awful big waste of some perfectly good split pea soup, if you ask me!
hmm...that's a first ~ never before has a FA blog made me hungry before..(for the soup! for the soup!)

Huw, the guillotine falls if you type an ampersand.
Want to type a half-*ssed comment?, just type an ampersand mid way through. My bad lots of times.

Now, how did this bunch of my favorite people in the world end up here in this blog at the same time..this is great! It's like school yard kickball all over again.. It seems Psychopath has an honorable purpose after all. (o;

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We move in mysterious ways our wonders to perform!!

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Must be a slooooooow Monday. Or all the Gubmint checks came at the same time, providing us all with bail money at once.

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I shall now state that which I should have opened this epic dialogue with:

"Jesus, Who's Your Daddy?" opens with a major walk-down from C (C, B, A, G, F, E). The remainder of the song is built around that same "melody line", and is sometimes joined by out-of-tune octaves of those same notes.

The primary harmony part is a 3rd, meaning it goes: E, D, C, B, A, G (etc). Both vocals sound as if these men were wearing large dogs in wet burlap on their chests while committing their tracks to tape.

The chord progression has one nice moment: The 3 major chord (E7). It would be nicer yet, had George Harrison not built the bulk of a wonderful career on that change. And the B string's out of tune the entire song (noticeably on the verses, when you can actually hear it).

I would also recommend putting a condenser mic on that acoustic guitar. Plugging direct makes them sound so thin and trebly. Especially when you're only hammering out quarter notes over and over. Sorry, I guess there are those upstrums that happen at the end of every other measure (that only get in the way of an already forced vocal line).

The keyboard outtro (Gloria in Excelsis) is phrased nicely. We rather enjoy that piece around our house, and my five year old plays it often on her piano.

In closing, I will say this: I like the tone of the snare drum. If it's not a machine, then it was mic'd well.

No rating, just a short review. Thanks, all.

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To quote Psychopath’s own rubric: “PSYCHOPATH are a real band. Not a very good band. As a matter of fact, they're an atrocious band.”
and
“In these days of digital recording and studio wizardry there is no excuse for fluffs and aural infelicities and, accordingly, the band offer no excuses. To be honest, I think they’re proud of them”

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Oh! Quote marks produce this: "

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No, wait a minute ... ah, if you copy and paste quote marks from MSWord, they produce ”

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... but you can't get it out of your mind, can you? ... isn't it the worst-written songs that are the most memorable and enduring? What can I say? Shit sticks.

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Respec' Chris.

We got a medium to channel for George on the E7, but all she could get was some stuff about Krishna over and over. So Johnny bought a copy of Revolver and played it backwards (diffcult with CDs, but he is a genius!).

That guitar was signed by Rick Parfitt of Status Quo many years ago, Tim just passed him in the street carrying the thing, it was snatched away and came back autographed. The guy was just stuck on repeat. I personally would recommend putting a pot of boiling water on it, but Tim is fond of the damned thing.

Tim only does short strokes in one direction at a time. his wife doesn't come home anymore - just stays at work. Which is why she never spotted Tim recording his kids for the backing vox.

I believe the Keyboard outro and the bells to be some sort of ironic reference to something or other.

The snare is a machine.

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I bought a packet of those shit-sticks for Easter. They were horrible.

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Oh, as the guy who "wrote" and engineered this travesty, I can now publicly reveal that the only real instruments in the whole thing are the out of tune guitars (Simon

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Hey! Were is the rest my comment?!? I explained the whole recording process! I'll have to start where I left off:
" ...

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Oh, now, look!" ...

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Have you vanished up your own F hole maestro?

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This won't let me type and explain ... boo hoo!

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I've tried setting out the whole recording process, but it won't post!
7 lines of text gone "poof"!

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...

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7 lines? C'mon Johnny, we're not talking Pet Sounds here ...

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Aha - so what you meant to say was : "...

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Fascinating!

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...

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(Simon and Patrick 12-string, Madeira 6-string and Weston ST Bass) The Gloria In Excelsis was built mouse-click by mouse-click into Cubase as were the drums, bells and percussion, triggering samples in Reason. The vocals were recorded using AKG D130 microphones and the dog was a collie (just kidding about the dog).

I wore mostly jeans and WWF T-Shirts, Tim wore the remains of his office suit and Max sang naked (Oh dear God I wish I were kidding about that bit!)

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Actually I was Channeling for Johnny there ...

That office suit of Tim's is a disgrace.

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Well look - self-control was never my long suit, so I'm not going to leave well alone.
Just thought I'd point out that the kiddie choir was mostly my nine-year old son, who has inherited all his old man's musical gifts. But I think his g-string is slightly out of tune.

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To be fair, the kiddie choir is ENTIRELY your nine-year-old son. Anyone familiar with your vocal style would recognise the family resemblance immediately.

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Oh, now you're just making me have to go back and actually listen to this whole thing again..the tally ticker will show one more listen! aggghhhhh!

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Y'see you called him Dylan Tim. If you'd've called him Art he'd still be singing soprano into his 60s.

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I would obviously never intentionally disrespect a child. I'm a father also, and I'm sure that it meant alot to the young man to have been included.

Tim- You claim that my style of music isn't your cup of tea. But you named your kid Dylan? Your music REALLY ISN'T my cup of tea. Which is why I didn't name my son "midi and a $200 acoustic/electric guitar". Peace.

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To be fair, Tim's kid comes by the "Dylan" moniker honestly, being as Dylan is as common as Bob in that part of the world.

Bob Dylan is an affectation, Robert Zimmerman wanted better alphabetic billing...but his lyrics still rock.

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I would like now, to address what some here have termed "mocking". These guys are comedians; they mock. That's their thing.

So if I happen to talk a bit of trash (toward these gentlemen), they will not only be capable of bearing it- but they may actually appreciate it. If they can make fun of something that the majority of FA listeners hold sacred, then I can make fun of four guys urinating on a fence.

Peace.

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Feel free to mock the kid's singing. Why do you think we used him? Me, I can't carry a tune in a bucket, but I can't do the falsetto. My boy carries on the proud family tradition of eccentric vocals. I get somebody else to sing it if I want the b-string to be in tune.
By the way - I adore Bob Dylan (although his mother chose the name - I wanted to call him Tiberius, but for some reason Woman vetoed that. Her veto is also the reason that our girl is not called Eurydice). Have I really not put Ballad Of A Thick Man up on Folk Alley? Will check and if necessary, rectify.

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Well, I was thinking of having Psychopath come over here and play a church social for some of my snakehandler Baptist kin up near Grandfather Mountain.

That would eliminate two problems: the terrible boredom suffered by my hillbilly cousins up there, and that awful music!

Nothing but love for y'all, Tim, really.

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Sounds right up our alley, Jim. Our idea of a successful gig is one where we get away with our lives. It would make a change to be tarred and feathered and run out of town backwards on a rail instead of just being bottled by the Epsilon minus semi-morons. (Now, that's a literary reference, Chris, but you've offended me so I'm not explaining this one to you.)

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I am not a member of your faith guys, but finally after 2000 years the true story is out. The life of Brian was also looked upon as blasphemy and we all know how good that is.

keep it up

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I offended you? But Timbo, nothing's sacred to the peanut gallery. Everything's fair game in funny, right? I thought only us (sensitive) artists got offended.

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Your mother and I are getting very worried about the company you're keeping, Chris.

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Okay, so are we friends? I mean, you guys are already getting more spin outta this than Bobbie Brown's visit to Israel got.

I think we're all cool now. Momma jokes are tolerable, but more dated than that catch phrase you guys built that horrible song around.

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I dunno if Tim and Huw and I are "friends", per se...I would hope that they would choose their friends much more carefully.

Distant, mildly disinterested acquaintances, yes certainly. But friends?

Hmm. Have to ponder that one.

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A $200 guitar is still better than no guitar at all.

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Not played like that, it ain't...

Seriously, though, will PSYCHOPATH truly be releasing a Yule CD??

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I taught myself how to play on a $10 no-named guitar, that my mother grudgingly bought in 1982. I loved that thing- carried it to school (without a case or gig bag), slept beside it every night, and made my first $20 with it.

My son owns that guitar now. And it plays as well as any.

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I may be just an acquaintance to Pipkin, but hell, I wanna have his babies!

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Well, ok Tim...where should I ship them?

Or should I just send your address to all of those unwed mothers, and have THEM pay for shipping?

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I still love all of you imps. So there! (o:

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I'd just like to remind all you " rock stars" out there that Cristmas has a very genuine and deep meaning.
Whatever petty squabbles might separate us, we should each do our best to contribute something.

Why, only the other day, as I fed orphaned babies in the hell-pit of Sarajevo, 20 years on from communist rule and yet 200 years behind the welfare state that you priveleged few enjoy today I took time to ponder on the purity and beauty of the Xmas season.

There is much of value to be learnt from the sanctified teachings of those whose bitter torments have paved the way to our beneficent existences and we should remember to pay more than lip-service to sanctity and love.

And...

If all else fails, like Leonard Cohen, at that life-turning moment, when he found the truth

i.e. that his manager had been shrifting him in the passage of ultimate darkness,

remember, life's a joke, and if you don't get it, then it's YOU that's wrong..

Actually Leonard gave me a call the other day, he said "Hell fire Max, you think I'M depressing, well there's this guy in CLEVELAND

J.H.C! he could make a dead donkey leap in front of a bus, just to make sure!

When I was a child, we had to EAT guitars and I first learnt to play on the leftovers, and it still sounds that way today.

Peace to all and not just for Xmas, because remember!
a puppy is NOT just for Xmas, carved properly you can be enjoying that little rascal on Boxing day....

Oh, and now I must Rest my Weary Ass, as Mary said when they got to Bethlehem.

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It's a Wall Chris, we are pi**ing on a wall,

Fences make friendships,

Walls are what you p**s on

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I will gladly be known as the "most depressing guy on the planet" if it personalizes suffering, and presents it to my fellow human beings in a way that allows them to relate.

Al Gore was called a buzz kill for over twenty years, but now that our lakes are disappearing, people are realizing "oh man, maybe he was right".

Yeah, I'm serious. But these are serious times, all.

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What times weren't?

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Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

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Hey, I knew one of the bit actors in that one, Lisa Medel...17 years old, weighed about 95 pounds, and could out-belch a 300-pound biker.

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My sister can do that jim. She's got a mean right hook too. I see someone let Tufty out! Better put some fresh straw down ...

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Reflecting on Al Gore - his major mistake was being a gent over Florida and throwing in the towel when he did. Watching that whole debacle from this side of the pond was an education. I think Gore believed that 4 to 8 years of Bush was a resonable exchange for avoiding dragging the US electoral system through the mud.

He should've considered that if the the election was as shaky as it certainly looked (spoiled ballots, miscounts, disenfranchisement of a significant proportion of the Democrat vote, judgements handed down on the whole thing by Bush appointees, and of course Jeb himself) and the GOP didn't step aside or wait for a complete recount (to shore up confidence in the system and absolve themselves of accusations of corruption), then what Bush was going to do to the US during his term of office, might make the Florida vote fiasco look like the vicar's tea party.

By keeping his dignity and attempting to preserve that of the US, poor old Al killed more than the buzz.

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Well, I was thinking more about his 30 year stump speech (on global warming) more so than that election. I was at Gore headquarters in Nashville the night that all went down, and the man just kept apologizing to us all for having failed us. But that's another story. I meant the global warming issue.

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Gore may have been thinking that stealing elections is just how it's done in the good old USofA. At least five presidential elections have been stolen. I still miss Governor Tilden.

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Wow. You pansies wouldn't even be allowed to say that had we not sacrificed for the right. Dogging the US now? Great career move.

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Okay. You guys have taken jabs at my mother, my father, my art, and my country. Now if you wouldn't mind getting the hell out of my living room, that'd be great.

I just called Huw's home phone, and we had a great (civil) conversation. The rest of you could learn from that man.

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We have. He taught me not to trust the Welsh.

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And always to get their back legs down the inside of your wellies!

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Gore lost the election when he said, in open primary debate, that handguns should be banned. Sure, he was playing to the left at the time, trying to out-liberal the field for the Dem nomination, but it cost him 20 million votes in the main election down the road.

At least he was honest in giving his opinion.

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On the line of being inapropriately honest, I've always had a lot of time for Donald Rumsfeld. I like the guy's style - honest but politically suicidal.
He was, strictly speaking, perfectly correct and to the point in his "known unknowns" comments, he just should not have said it. Likewise with "Stuff happens!": he was honestly and correctly expressing the US government's total indifference to the effects of their actions on the people of Iraq - again, honest but tactless.
We in the UK suffer from having a set of erudite, intelligent and really rather dull speakers in our parliament (I mean they are intelligent SPEAKERS, I do not ... oh never mind!) The US does it in style: Bush, Quayle, W, etc. etc.

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Well, strictly speaking, the UK doesn't have freedom of speech the way we in the US understand it. Your Official Secrets Act, and other similar laws, kinda keep your politicos from having very much interesting to say. Plus, with only 90 dyas to campaign, they haven't got a heck of a lot of time to foul up!

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I heard a senior conservative politician refer to your current administration as a bunch of "Very scary people", back in '03. I knew we were in trouble then. Especially since he was talking to Billy Bragg at the time.

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They ARE very scary people. Cheney weaseled his way thru Watergate without a scratch, and Rummy was there in the wings as well. They are very secretive, arrogant, and aggressive ol' boys.

Of course, in our great nation, both major political parties can lay claim to decades of shameless pandering, corruption, and meddling in the affairs of sovereign states.

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Oh don't Jim. We only buried the last Empress of India a couple of years ago. The trick of Empire is to understand that for all the enlightenment and civilisation you think you're bringing to the world, nobody's going to love you for it.

There's a football chant used by supporters of Millwall FC (who will never dominate anything, but are loathed by supporters of other London teams, for reasons beyond me). It goes "No one likes us, no one likes us, no one like us. We don't mind".
It's sort of a mantra I think.

Once you get the gist of that, you'll be fit for Empire. You're all much too nice at the present time.

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This psong, psucks.

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Pseriously?

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Psuccinct, to the point. We'll now haul ourselves off into the dark an slit our collective wrists.

Only kidding.

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I have now seen it all.
They now make orange colored eggnog for Halloween.
Needless to say, I didn't buy that either..

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Well done you!
Egnogg in a bottle is one of the most disgusting things known to man or woman. The amount of preservatives they have to put in to make get it passed the food-standards agency means that you're basically drinking the output of a sizeable factory plant.

However, it is very good for your skin if you leave it on over night. (I made that up!).

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I've been misled. I was told that eggnog was a deviant sexual practice. Wait for Christmas, she told me, and you'll get eggnog. Well, you've all spoiled my festive season, I can tell you.

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Ah but ... Eggnog on the skin is actually a useful and delicious addition to a large number of deviant sexual practices.

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... untill it warms up and curdles ...

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cools down and curdles, you mean.
...oh, you mean the eggnog

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The only thing which could make this blog column any more "interesting" is for 'Lucky Guitar' to resurface and put in his/her two cents..for what that's worth..

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Nooooooo! Not 'Lucky Guitar!' (I don't need that headache!)

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Hey, I remember Lucky Guitar. He told me I need to pull out of Folk Alley and go listen to the masters. It was a rugged day.

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recidivist nihilist tendencies

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Christmas.
who? what? Lucky giotar?!?

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That was before your time, E. Jeb. Let's just say that we all gave him enough rope, and plenty of slack..and he used it.

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Sounds familiar ...

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Good will to everyone!

Ho, ho, ho ... ("Who you callin' a ho?!?")

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Oh this old thing - I'd forgotten all about it!

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Amazing thread. I can picture you all bowing at the footlights.

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It was a ride, that's sure. I THINK we're all friends now ... probably ... merry Christmas.

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