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Peach Queen

Artist: Pasco Pat

Album: Full Circle
Category: Americana, Singer/songwriter, Comedy



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Description: Peach Queen

Way down in Clanton Alabama when I was just a teenage boy,
I stayed away from really egotistical girls, I liked the sweet ones demure and coy.
But I cussed a lot I guess to make ‘em all think I was a tough American stud.
You know they dumped me quick until I learned the trick to keep my conversations out of the mud.
Don’t talk dirty to The Peach Queen -- if you really want to get to first base.
She’s an outgoing gal who values pageantry, personality and good taste.
You gotta pay her the perfect compliment so your sincerity is sure to prevail.
And don’t talk dirty to The Peach Queen son, if you do you’ll be bound to fail.
Well the Peach Queen’s the star of the festival, she rides a float in the big parade.
Sittin’ up on her throne in a long blue gown -- the finest formal that her mom ever made.
From 3rd Avenue north on down to 7th Street between the fire trucks and marching bands,
She’s a wavin’ with her right hand in her left she holds a bucket throwin’ candy to admirin’ fans.
I made up my mind she was beauty defined. She was the one girl that I had to get to know.
So right after the parade I found her sittin’ in the shade. Her teeth were perfect -- as white as the snow.
Her earrings they dangled and sparkled. I was hypnotized and speechless it seemed.
We made eye contact and I just had to react. I put my foot in my mouth and I screamed,
“Hot damn yer pretty! How’d you get them teeth? Those’re mighty bodacious pits!
Are you clingstone, freestone, a bitten peach? ‘Cause if yer that I’ll be callin’ it quits.
I crave a mellow nectarine that I can titillate low in cholesterol and saturated fat.
I’d love to lick the fuzz off your velvety flesh – now what do you think about that?” (I must tell you she was not terribly impressed.)
Between the end of her nose and the tip of her chin she wore a dreadful unrelenting frown.
On the top of her head the proof she was purebred -- the omnipotent Peach Queen crown.
She said I was a disgrace. I got a slap in the face. Turned on my heels and I slithered away.
I never saw her again. I learned my lesson right then -- one I’ll remember ‘til my dying day.
Don’t talk dirty to The Peach Queen -- if you really want to get to first base.
She’s an outgoing gal who values pageantry, personality and good taste.
You gotta give her the perfect compliment -- don’t bore her with every detail.
And don’t talk dirty to The Peach Queen son, or you’re gonna be bound to fail.
You may end up in an Alabama jail. Roy Rogers never talked that way to Dale!

Submitted: February 11, 2018 3:22PM


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