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I Don't Speak Kentucky Very Well

Artist: Pasco Pat

Album: High Cotton
Category: Americana, Singer/songwriter, Comedy



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Description: I Don’t Speak Kentucky Very Well

I’ve lived in many different states in this old USA. I’ve mastered all the dialects from Boston to LA.
I picked up French and Spanish fast, with languages I’m lucky. But frankly I got stymied when I visited Kentucky.
I don’t speak Kentucky very well. I don’t speak Kentucky very well.
I’m pretty good at smelling, tasting, hearing, loving, spelling – but I don’t speak Kentucky very well.

Met a lady at The Derby and we sat at a cafe. She wore a fancy hat, she’d been lounging there all day.
When I asked her how she liked it living there in “Loo-is-ville.” She excused herself and stuck me with a scandalous bar bill.
I don’t speak Kentucky very well.

When the waitress came and asked me if I wanted some “dizart.” I asked her what the heck is that? And is it a la carte?
She suggested a “Brown Betty” -- then I lost my appetite. “No thanks,” I said, “My wife and I have made plans for tonight.”
I don’t speak Kentucky very well.

Last March I met a butcher while inside a Kroger store. “How about them Wildcats!” as he carved I heard him roar.
“I’ve not been to the zoo,” I told him, then he screamed in pain. He ran for help the blue blood dripping from his severed vein.
I don’t speak Kentucky very well.

I figured I should leave the commonwealth of old Kentucky. Things just weren’t workin’ out and I was feelin’ kinda yucky.
I stopped for lunch in Corbin just before I crossed the border. Inside the place a goateed clerk then asked me for my order.
Dressed up so neat he wore a nice white suit and a black string tie. But when I asked for Alka Seltzer -- he began to cry.
“I’m sorry sir,” he said, “but here we only serve fried chicken. I’ll bet you’ll find it tastes so good your fingers you’ll be lickin!”
I don’t speak Kentucky very well. I don’t speak Kentucky very well.
I’m pretty good at smelling, tasting, hearing, loving, spelling – but I can’t speak Kentucky very well.

Submitted: February 11, 2018 3:15PM


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