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RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

August 15, 2007

The Onion

RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

LOS ANGELES—The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered...

Posted by Linda Fahey at August 15, 2007 3:04 PM


Comments

I thought this might be reserved for April Fool's Day, considering it's from The Onion.... (o;
They have to be (insert expletive of choice here) kidding!
This whole FA Blog thing IS "buzz"!

Posted by: JoLynn Braswell at August 15, 2007 4:42 PM

Mhm! Give it a couple of years, and they'll start actually considering this.

Posted by: Huw Pryce at August 15, 2007 5:33 PM

God, I love The Onion! It brings tears to my eyes every time I open it!

Posted by: Jim Pipkin at August 15, 2007 6:12 PM

Ha - hold a freshly burnt matchstick between your teeth..that ought to help with the sting while you're reading, Jim. Works for me.

Posted by: JoLynn Braswell at August 16, 2007 5:34 AM

This is an outrage. I am flutterblasted.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 16, 2007 7:15 PM

Next time you're flutterblasted, remember to lift one leg slightly, Richard. Otherwise you might damage the furniture or pop an eye out of its socket.

Posted by: Jim Pipkin at August 16, 2007 10:32 PM

I was speaking passively, not generatively. As in, "The broadcast industry once again flutterblasted me with its flatus."

I am tired of being looked over. Where can I go to become a huge success?

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 17, 2007 10:33 PM

I think Jim did mean PASSively, Richard.
Define 'success'.

Posted by: JoLynn Braswell at August 18, 2007 4:06 AM

Man..I just realized - need to set the FA Open Mic to perpetual play again. I am getting WAY behind. Have you heard some of the great tunes coming outta there lately?
There are some real jewels in that mine! Amazing.

Posted by: JoLynn Braswell at August 18, 2007 4:47 AM

Success is that quality of income whoch provides sustenance to head, heart, stomach and insurance agent.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 18, 2007 10:04 AM

I lied. Success is actually right relationships with all of creation.

Bye.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 18, 2007 11:11 AM

All things must pass, including White Castles.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 18, 2007 11:13 AM

If you want success in America, Richard, the trick is to do something that is disgusting, morally reprehensible, sexually gratifying and not quite illegal enough to get you sent to prison. Then, once you are in the spotlight, pimp your CD to whoever is listening!

Posted by: Jim Pipkin at August 18, 2007 12:48 PM

Got that right, Jim.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 18, 2007 4:52 PM

Hey, everything gonna be alright! We all break out in our own ways and in our own times. I'm better now. Success is being overrated.

It's all about about freedom, love, justice and peace, isn't it? If so, then I leave you with this off-topic song (which I just posted here at Folk Alley despite holding off for two years for fear of having it labeled as inappropriate).

Breakout

http://www.folkalley.com/openmic/song.php?id=8388

People, get your game on.
Take it to the streets or take it to the court of the world.
People, get your flame on,
burning with desire to feel the warmth of love unfurled.

Hear the vibrations of sovereign nations
respecting each other as we do our mother.
Breakout to freedom with this plan to lead 'em:
the rules of forbearance as taught by our parents.

Ungodly stories of cold-blooded glories
become a new epic, a love epidemic.
Legions of terror befouling the air
swept away by an almighty wind's scent.

Don't you burn out!
Light the fire, pass the torch, let your radiance be showing.
People, time to turn out!
Trash your talk, make your play, this is love's time to be flowing.

Let's break this obsession with heartless oppression.
The sum of all heroes divided by zeroes.
Riches and power despoil and devour.
Is reason misplaced? Does grace have no taste?

Some have been treated, some feel defeated.
Let's burn with desire to take this world higher.
Breakout to freedom, fast break to love.
Stakeout for justice, release the dove!

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 18, 2007 5:28 PM

Seriously, Richard...don't ever hide a song away for two years! I hope you're writing that rock opera..

Posted by: JoLynn Braswell at August 18, 2007 10:37 PM

Yep, David and I are working on a symphonic-rock opera... I sent you an e-mail about hungryforheaven.com.

Folk Alley is a discerning crowd. That's why I hid it. But I got a bump from a bottle of organic beer today so decided to post up.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 19, 2007 12:29 AM

This Onion is really old. Eww.
It's from 2005 and thankfully everyone is still
here. It seemed to me that the RIAA was
mostly concerned about P2P sharing although
the wording was incredibly harsh.

Jim and Richard, please don't become
the Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan of folk music. :)

Posted by: Nina Gray at August 21, 2007 11:20 PM

I promise not to become a devilish, deviant lord of the lance. Can't speak for Jim, though.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 22, 2007 8:57 AM

I have this plan, but so far it has been difficult smuggling a live chicken and more that four ounces of mineral oil onto an airliner. More news as things develop.

Posted by: Jim Pipkin at August 22, 2007 12:09 PM

The method of preparing and feeding poultry and livestock a feed additive containing an appropriate amount of electrolytes comprises a first step of grinding a mixture of organic roughage product selected from the group consisting of a rice mill by-product, soybean hulls and peanut hulls. The rice mill by-product is preferred. The next step involves the mixing of the ground mixture of organic roughage product with mineral oil in a ribbon blender apparatus. Then, a dietary electrolyte mixture selected from mixtures of sodium, potassium and calcium in the form of carbonates, sulfates and chlorides given above and in the proportions given is added to mixing material to form a powdered product containing an appropriate amount of electrolytes for feeding poultry and livestock.

http://www.patentstorm.us/patents/6682762-description.html

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 22, 2007 9:28 PM

But..wouldn't the mineral oil just defeat the purpose of feeding and nutrition in the first place? Ah, perhaps you mean to harvest some fertilizer then.
Jim, forgive me - is this some sort of Alice COUPEr ref for Chris's benefit? Whatever it is, it's GROSS and should do the trick to get you some press, if that's your aim. Get those CDs ready -

Posted by: JoLynn Braswell at August 23, 2007 9:22 AM

"If you want success in America, Richard, the trick is to do something that is disgusting, morally reprehensible, sexually gratifying and not quite illegal enough to get you sent to prison. Then, once you are in the spotlight, pimp your CD to whoever is listening!"

Yes, this is true, but you have to do before you are a 24 year old burn-out.

Posted by: Jack Swain at August 23, 2007 10:24 AM

Make way for love, make way for song
The greatest good uprights the wrong
In step with Jesus, Lord of dance
We feel the power of God romance

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 23, 2007 2:36 PM

(or before plastic sugery, a personal trainer, and a good spin doctor..)

Posted by: JoLynn Braswell at August 23, 2007 3:34 PM

Some spin pretty well even after the mid century mark. I think the future of music belongs to experienced hearts. I really believe that. Trash music is gonna take a thrashing.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 23, 2007 3:43 PM

From your mouth to God's ear, Richard.
I also happen to think that some musicians start to write their best, most interesting and truly insightful stuff after they've lived for a while. There are a few young old souls who seem to "get it", but the real observers have been around the block a few times. I tend to follows those candles in the dark.

Posted by: JoLynn Braswell at August 24, 2007 1:25 PM

Trash music has a fine future. You have to look at the economics. In order to make a real profit at this, you have to cater to an audience that is flush enough and foolish enough to blow $20 on a cd and $100 on concert tickets!

Posted by: Jim Pipkin at August 28, 2007 11:04 AM

Oh. I guess my prediction sucks.

Posted by: Richard Schletty at August 30, 2007 11:33 PM

Wouldn't it be nice if it didn't?

Posted by: Jim Pipkin at August 31, 2007 11:05 AM

Who you gonna call? Trash Busters!

Posted by: Richard Schletty at September 2, 2007 1:30 PM

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